absent.canadian

On the heels of my last useless post about cars, I thought I’d be a bit more constructive and offer some thoughts on how to make a car last.

I have some experience in this department.  My 1990 Volkswagen Golf Diesel lasted over 250,000 miles.  My 1986 Scirocco gave 150,000 miles of faithful and reliable service, and the Mercedes I currently own has over 100,000 miles on the clock (and is still quiet, tight and wickedly reliable).  Every car I’ve ever sold has been in excellent condition; with the possible exception of the Scirocco, they are all still providing good service.

Without further adieu: my top-12 list of things you can do to make your car last longer.

1. Read the Owners Manual.  It’s baffling to many people that their car comes with a manual.  And I’m willing to bet that in a group of 50 car owners, at least 40 have never cracked their manual open.  If nothing else, you’ll learn about features you didn’t know your car had … for instance: if you own a 1981 Volkswagen Scirocco, did you know that the Oxygen Sensor Light (“OXS”) will come on every 30,000 miles, reminding you to to have your vehicle’s emission control system serviced?  It’s not a cause for panic – just a reminder.  And that brings me to my second point …

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s a yearly tradition for me to lambaste cars on this blog.  These posts generate decent traffic (a good thing for blog attention whores like me), and they amuse and irritate people simultaneously.

Without further adieu … the lamest cars of 2009.  I’ll start with the big 3 (because they’re all in deep doo-doo), but I’ll give plenty of imports their just deserts soon enough.

1. Ford Focus.  I own Ford stock because it’s a company with tremendous potential … and yet, they always seem to get in their own way.  The Focus is a perfect example.  In Europe, the Focus is a lovely small car with an enthusiastic engine and a taut suspension.  In many ways, it reminds me of the niche that the Volkswagen Rabbit/Golf fulfilled before it became chunky.  But the Focus in North America is a different car entirely, and it’s got the driving zest and zeal of a Trabant.  And all that techie Microsoft Sync crap is … well … techie crap.  Please, Ford.  Do my stock (and your buying public) a favor and bring the European Focus to these shores (and put the North American Focus out to pasture immediately).  You’ve got a winner on your hands, if you’d only get out of your own way …

2. Chrysler PT Cruiser.  I never harbored much ill-will towards this vehicle until I drove one through a good bit of Western Canada.  I quickly learned that the PT Cruiser does very little well; in fact, I can’t think of a single thing that it really excels at, other than being cheap (in the company of many other cheap cars that are far more fun to drive).  The interior is a hodgepodge of ill-thought plastic panels.  The engine has a constant “I think I can” chug to it, and drinks a lot of dead dinosaurs for little return.  And while I’m ho-hum about the styling, I can’t help but laugh at elderly people who pimp their PT’s with fake wood panels, pinstriping, fake-chrome stick-on gaud, and all other manner of junk.

3. Pontiac Vibe.  I generally despise the Pontiac brand (thanks largely to its intellectually bankrupt marketing department), but the Vibe had promise.  The identical-twin to the Toyota Matrix, I looked semi-seriously at one of these a few years ago.  And what a disappointment!  The suspension had the sloppy handling of a flat-bottom skiff in rough waves, the steering had that “held together with rubber bands” vagueness that makes lane changes a game of chance, and the engine (and corresponding lack of acceleration) could be called a real-life simulation of plate tectonics.  And what surprised me even more was the disappointing mileage.

4. BMW X6.  Almost every brand has its ugly “crossover”; the Nissan Murano, the Toyota Venza, etc.  If it softens the blow to blame it all on the Pontiac Aztek, then so be it … but the X6?  C’mon BMW … it’s a whitewashed X5 with the styling (and corresponding lack of interior room) of a turd.  And you’re not even bringing your delicious diesel engines to the United States.  Instead of trying to butter the crossover bread like the rest of the lame crowd, why don’t you focus on making iDrive understandable?

5. Mitsubishi Lancer.  This is Mitsu’s debut on my list.  I really struggled with this car in last year’s list, but it was edged out by the Jaguar XJ.  This year, the Lancer wins because of its garish interior; a sea of black and silver semi-gloss plastic that attracts dust and fingerprints.  The Lancer is a cheap car, mind you, but a number of inexpensive cars (even the uber-cheap Toyota Yaris) do a better job on soft quality.  I have also noticed that Mitsubishis do not age well, in terms of both durability and styling.  I know some Mitsus have almost cult-like followings, but this car just didn’t do it for me.

6. smart fortwo.  Like Ford, Smart has it – they just choose not to bring it to these shores.  The Europeans get the diesel and the yummy hybrid; all we get is the rather pedestrian 70HP gas engine.  Now, I think smart makes a wonderful vehicle and my father has certainly evangelized them ever since they hit the Canadian shores a few years ago … I just wish car manufacturers wouldn’t assume that all North Americans (although I’m loathe to admit that many) are diesel-phobic morons who need huge engines in everything they drive.

7. Subaru Forester.  The mere mention of Subaru on this list should inspire legions of hate mail from Subaru loyal.  And with over a decade’s worth of experience as a Volkswagen owner, I feel some connection to Subaru owners; namely, the religious-like following that the company inspires.  I had my first Forester experience recently, though, and was singularly underwhelmed with the seats.  From a support perspective, they’re reminiscent of the buckboard vinyl slabs in my old 1961 Ford Falcon.  And the automatic transmission wasn’t quite sure when to shift, making acceleration (especially coming out of a turn) feel a bit iffy.  Subaru’s have great “quirk” factor (with their opposing flat engines and bizarre styling), but they can do a better job.  And they should.

8. Lincoln MKZ.  We didn’t learn from the Cadillac Cimarron.  History was fated to repeat itself, and Ford has once again smeared a great name.  But before we give the MKZ its well-deserve slam, let’s take a quick look into Lincoln history.  The Lincoln “Mark” designation used to refer to very exclusive Lincolns that were, rightfully, hallmarks of automotive engineering.  The original Continental and its successor, the Continental Mark II were everything a big expensive Lincoln should be: large, luxurious, powerful and the epitome of high styling.  But bean-counters and clueless marketing departments have evolved the one great marque into the MKZ: a rebadged Ford Fusion, which is actually built on the Mazda 6 platform.  Now, the Mazda 6 is a fine car (especially if they would bring their two litre diesel engine to these shores), but the Mazda starts at $19,220 and the Lincoln starts at $32,695.  The premium Mazda 6 “s Grand Touring” comes with a slightly more powerful engine than the Lincoln, and still only comes in at $28,465.  And you wouldn’t have to deal with that rather odd looking elongated Lincoln emblem, screaming “I’M JUST AS COOL AS A CADILLAC!  SERIOUSLY!”

9. Mini Cooper.  BMW, I love you and I hate you.  You bring us cars like the M3, whose most recent V8 incarnation is truly touched by the hand of God. And the svelte M6, whose 500+ hp V10 could easily power the Starship Enterprise.  And in truth, the Mini is a cute car (on the outside).  I have to admit.  But it feels like a hodgepodge, with its Peugeot Citroën engine that never quite feels like it has enough power, and the ho-hum reliability that plagued resale values.  But my biggest complaint is the interior; no proper English marque would have hired a team of Asian anime artists to concoct that mess of bulbous lines.  Even the Volkswagen Beetle–the plaything of every teenage girl from here to Nantucket–pulls of its interior styling with a lot more grace than the Mini.  So get rid of all that stupid plastic and make it simple, clean and efficient – just like the original it was modeled after.

10. Mazda RX8.  Once upon a time, the Wankel engine was a great idea.  It’s not anymore.  It burns more oil than a conventional engine, it gets worse mileage than a conventional engine, and it’s a bitch to fix.  And aside from that, the RX8 is another car that suffers from “teenage-itus” in the interior, with miles of cheap plastic, no coherent styling lines and the biggest transmission/driveshaft tunnel I’ve ever seen (if the Ford Mustang Shelby GT500 doesn’t need a tunnel that big, then a piddly little two-hundred-and-something-horsepower RX8 certainly doesn’t).  And it’s a bit of a shame, because the suicide rear door makes otherwise-useless back seats accessible to the masses, and the car actually has some redeeming driving qualities.