absent.canadian

So I’ve been living in this state of quasi-separation from my wife for one month now.

And it hurts.  There’s not a minute that goes by that I don’t think about her.  Wonder what she’s doing, and how she’s doing.  Wonder if she’s thinking about us, and remembering the good times.

There are a few restaurants I haven’t been able to go into.  Like El Rodeo – one of our favorite Mexican restaurants.   It was the last restaurant we ate in as a couple.  And Sushi Thai – the restaurant where we had my birthday dinner, not even two weeks before all of this happened.

In fact, it’s become a regular thing for me to drive past a restaurant or a store, and to think to myself “gosh – the last time I was in there, we were still together”.

You can’t appreciate how much “togetherness” there is after you’ve been married for eight years (unless, of course, you’ve gone through what I’m going through now – in which case you may understand it perfectly).

We started marriage counseling last week, and it’s been going well.  Nothing is certain, but I feel like we’re starting to make some real progress.  It’s giving me something to hold onto.

Carolyn moves out on Saturday.  I don’t know if I’ll be there or not.  As much as I want to help, it just might be too hard for me.  She understands that and won’t be angry if I’m not around.

First of all – thank you to all of my friends who have left comments, emailed me privately and/or called. One silver lining on this cloud has been the support, the friendship and the love that you have all shown to Carolyn and I during this difficult time. It’s some comfort knowing that we’re surrounded by such good people, and I hope I get the chance to thank each and every one of you. It means the world to me.

Carolyn is visiting her family in Toronto right now. That’s important – she needs her time to “deflate” and be in her comfort zone, and I need the time to get back into some regular routine.

Next Monday we’re going to go for some marriage counseling. I’m not holding out for any miracles, but I do hope it will at least help us identify things that went wrong. Even if our marriage is truly over, it will at least give us awareness of mistakes that were made, weaknesses, unfulfilled needs, etc.

I love my wife. We’ve been married for 8 years, we’ve been together for 10 years, and we’ve known each other for 12 years. That represents a third of my lifetime, and virtually all of my adult life. Even if we separate for good, I hope she knows that I will always love her, and will always have the highest respect for her. Every day with her has been a gift, and it’s something I’ll always cherish.