One of the fringe benefits of separation was getting the full, uninhibited use of both walk-in closets in the master bedroom.  Some months ago I started an experiment … any clothes that I wore (and subsequently washed) would get re-hung in her old closet.  This would, over time, allow me to see what clothes I was wearing, and what I was not.

And this morning, without mercy, I purged my closet.  I’m not talking about the usual tossing of a few old token T-shirts, either.  I’m talking mass fucking exodus.

Please note the dog hiding behind this pile of clothes, hoping that he doesn’t get carried away as well.  And they have good reason to be scared; I was absolutely shameless when I was deciding what to toss and what to keep.  Nothing was sacred.

Out went the T-shirts I received when my father was a judge at the OEC.   As cool as they are (not), I’d rather not date myself by wearing T-shirts celebrating events that happened almost 20 years ago.

Goodbye to several old T-shirts from college.  They were dorky back then and they’re even dorkier now - especially the one that got stained by a ballpoint pen that went through the wash with it.

Farewell to pants that haven’t fit me in about 10 years.  If I lose enough weight to fit into them again, I’ll celebrate by buying new pants.

And almost entirely forgotten was my collection of ragged, threadbare sweaters.  What is it about sweaters that compels us to keep them?  When they get old and stringy they need to get tossed.  Period.

Dress shirts that are missing buttons.  Pants whose once-sharp creases are now tattered and beaten.  And I even tossed some socks that were looking a little thin.

With that purging complete, I gathered all of the empty hangers.  I wish there was some hangers-for-cash program; with the number of hangers I’ve accumulated, I could retire several times over with a single cash buyout.  Instead, I’m going to head over to Target (and if you’re female, cute, single and perky, you’re welcome to join me) where I’ll buy some wooden hangers to properly hang my jeans.  No longer will they be relegated to being folded and slopped on the shelf.

Speaking of which - the acquisition of ass-jeans pair #2 was recently completed.  But more on that later … I have a dump-truck load to take to Goodwill, and some money to spend at Target.

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Posted in Blog
Written on Sun, 09 March 2008 at 10:21 am
Tags: ass jeans, closets, clothes
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