absent.canadian

A wise man once told me to check your cellular plan frequently.  Companies change the plans on a weekly basis, and if you haven’t kept up with the latest plans, you’re probably paying too much for too little.

My cell phone is dying.  When I got my Motorola i730 a year and a half ago, it felt “state of the art”.  Now it feels “state of the fart”.  When I open the clamshell lid, it runs the risk of powering off completely.  The ringer rings — sometimes — and the buttons aren’t as perky as they used to be.

With that in mind, I decided to look at all of the cellular plans available.  My criteria are simple: I want a slim, stylish phone that I can easily put into my pocket without looking like a horny prom date.  I want a relatively inexpensive call plan, since I don’t make a lot of calls in the first place.  I don’t need instant messaging, java applications, GPS, a camera, a portable bandsaw, metric wrench set, or any other gizmos.  I’m also not crazy about the clamshell phones; every one I have owned ends up failing at the main hinge.  In other words – just a little phone to make a few calls with.

Apparently, I’m asking a lot.  The proposition of a new phone and plan is easily going to run me $45 a month.  $45 to make a few calls?  Excuse me?  I thought new technology was supposed to make things cheaper for us.  My Bell Cellular plan from 1995 cost less than this.

Worse yet are the family plans.  I thought about replacing her phone as well – and dumping our land line.  $40 a month for cable telephone isn’t a bad deal for unlimited calling to North America (great for calling our friends in the Great White North), but I figured I could get a family calling plan and dump the land line — and save money.

No sir – no chance here.  Most of the family plans I looked at start at $60.  Long distance rates to Canada are high enough that we’ll easily push this to over $75 a month.  And for what?

This got me thinking.  Do I really need a cell phone?

First off – I hate taking cell phone calls.  The idea that I should be accessible to people regardless of where I am is a bit offensive.  When I’m on the motorcycle, it’s a moot point calling; even if I have the phone with me, I won’t hear it ring.  I refuse to wear one of those ridiculous ear pieces.  And call me old-fashoned, but I think it’s damn rude to talk to someone on the phone while you’re in the checkout line at a store.

I also seem to spend a lot of time justifying why I didn’t answer the phone.  What the hell business is it of yours to know what I was doing when you called me on my cell phone?  I was out, OK?  Busy.  Engaged in other activities.

This has made me rethink my attitude towards phones.  Maybe I should just dump the whole phone thing and stick with email?  That’s a far more reliable way to get a hold of me, as I check my email periodically throughout the day.  Even if I’m not ready to compose a response, I can at least acknowledge that I received your note.  Or, I can ignore it completely.

And — I don’t run the risk of brain tumors with email.  This sounds ridiculous now, but I really wonder whether my generation will sprout an unusually high number of brain tumors later in life, because of the little plastic things we hold against our face.

In the meantime, I think I’ll let my cell phone quietly disappear.  I’ll join the rank of technological puritans who don’t mind using a telephone with a cord.

And maybe, someday, a cell phone company will “get it”.